In Life and Death
by HappyHailer
Summary: Why is life so complicated? Why doesn't it turn out the way you expect it to? Follow the story of a girl who is constantly kicked while she's down. How did her life turn out the way it did? How can she change it? OC story, rated M for language and possible explicit gore later on


Prologue.

The water looked so soothing. The way that it reflected the stars was absolutely beautiful. It flowed gently: the current tickling her bare feet. Her dark eyes seemed glazed over, covered with thought.

_I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. _

She repeated the words. Trying to make herself believe them.

_**No you're not. No you're not. No you're not.**  
_

Another voice seemed to taunt. The mere sound of the voice made her feel terribly small. Her lip quivered, out of anxiety and something else. Anger.

Her head tilted up towards the sky, causing her hood to fall. Short orange hair stuck out, quite awkwardly in places. She focused on the moon and stars, a position of which she would stay like for a few following moments. Any of her attention was now distracted. She watched her breath float away after each exhale her lungs managed. Savouring the feeling of the chill. She listened to the calm trickle of the water before her and concentrated on the crisp smell of the air.

She swayed as she stood. A mild hum from an old lullaby escaped her lips; trying to block out the discouraging voice somewhere in her mind. In her pockets, with an absent mind, her fingers fiddled with the smoothed out surface of a rock. Her hand tensed around it almost painfully as she had a new onset of determination. Her eyes squinted shut.

_I'm gonna do it._

Her feet paced forward onto the top of the mirror-like sheet of water. Almost tentatively. A shiver went up her spine from the icy temperature.

**You won't do it. Coward.**

Her lips pursed in frustration. Her footsteps continued upon the lake's surface, finally halting at the very centre. Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head at herself. Probably deciding to either laugh or cry. In the end a dry chuckle escaped.

_Just you wait and see. I'm in charge. You can't control me. I don't need you…_

**Oh, I think you do my dear.**

_You're mistaken. It's been too long. I can't stand losing this 'little game' against you anymore._

**Hm. Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.**

_I'm not your fucking pawn._

**I never insinuated such a thing. You just take on the role so well…**

She huffed in annoyance, once more playing with the pebbles. One of them she picked up and held it out in her fist.

_I don't need you. I wish I could silence you._

The stone fell and she watched it sink down, down, down in a spiral motion. The water looked like pure liquid darkness, it engulfed everything before it reached the bottom.

**I'm as big a part of this body as you are. You can't silence me because _I am you._ I have as much say as you do. I have the same rights. I have the same control.**

_No. No you don't. This is my life. You shouldn't have had anything to do with it. It was just bad luck. Fate was cruel to me._

**Yes I do. In fact, I have more of a claim over this body than you. It's your own fault. You're so petty and _weak._**

Her body began to shake as she tried to hold herself in place. The voice spoke out all the more louder than she. The force of it pulled at her limbs trying to drag her to the shore. Almost taking her over entirely. Another depressive chuckle erupted. She continued to tremble against the pull.

_You know what, fuck it. This is it._

**Don't be stupid, you've never made it further than this.**

_Well. Think of it as an accomplishment. How about we play that game of yours now?_

**Stupid girl. You wouldn't even dare.**

The drag on her body became stronger in that instant. As her feet were about to draw her away from the spot she drew a hand seal. She became submerged in the lake as the chakra vanished from the soles of her feet.

**Stupid, _stupid _girl. What do you think you're doing?**

The voice raised its volume in anger. A smile graced her lips at the thought.

_Winning. You lose._

She let her mind relax and she felt the 'other her' take over. Her body flailed as they sank. Endlessly trying to reach the surface. All in vain of course. The rocks held them down, and the training weights attached to her hands and legs dragged them down even further. She felt numb. The abyss tried to swallow her up but all she could remain to see was the sky through the clear surface of the water. The moon was crescent shaped and reminded her of a grin. It was smiling back.

**No… No, no, no, no. NO.**

Half of her mind screamed, still trying to struggle. But her body grew tired. Her vision became clouded. She began to black out. A song began to reel itself from her memories. The same tune she hummed before.

_I see the moon, the moon sees me…_

**No! Stop it! How could you!**

_shining through the leaves of the old oak tree…_

Her vision was basically gone now. The air in her lungs expired. The relentless screaming of the other side of her continued, but the song provided comfort. It continued on.

_Oh, let the light that shines on me…_

As the world faded away, she felt this tug on herself. A hand outstretched to her. Was it the darkness trying to claim her? Now she was too weak and too carefree to act. Whatever it was, it had her. Why couldn't she just remain as she was in that exact moment?

_shine on the ones that I love…_

How did life turn out like this?

* * *

Chapter One.

A young child ran clumsily across the wooden floorboards. "Mother! Mother!" She squealed. Her tiny stature clung to a doorframe as she caught her breath. Her mother looked on with mild concern. The woman didn't question the girl. She simply waited. "Mother, I hit _all_ of the targets! _All_ of them! Didn't hit the tree _once!_" The look of pride that overcame the child's face was endearing. She took a single kunai knife from her pouch just to illustrate the point.

"Oh wow, good going. Practice makes perfect." A tiny smile graced the mother's lips.

"Take a break darling. Come and sit with me." She motioned for the girl to come and sit on her lap, facing a mirror.

"What are you doing mother?" The child approached happily with a bounce in her step. Putting the kunai away as she went.

"I was just brushing my hair dear." A look of content came on her face, she stared at her mother's golden hair in wonderment. It flowed like waterfalls of sunlight, all the way down her back. "Want me to do yours?" Anyone else's face would have split with a smile like the one that was formed by the girl; anyone else's neck would have snapped with the force of the enthusiastic nod.

She stared at her reflection, her round face and grey eyes matched those of her mother. She concentrated on the way the brush sailed through her short locks of orange. A pout overcame her expression.

"Why can't I have hair like yours mother?" Such an innocent question.

"You have beautiful hair dear."

"Why must it be so short and bright?"

"You have such a pretty face darling, I don't want you hiding behind your hair. Short suits you." Another smile stretched out, causing crinkles around the woman's tired eyes. "It's so bright in colour to match your character." Her daughter's cheeks were pinched playfully and they both laughed. This was her most favourite memory of her mother, and one of the earliest she recalled.

Both her parents were kind, compassionate and fair. They treasured their little girl with all of their hearts. Life had been cruel to them but they were finally being blessed with the life and family they desired.

Their old home was up on a hill, where their clan had taken refuge for over a century. It was easy to remember what it was like, the place was so distinct. Each of the little houses –though empty now –had their own character. It was a contradictory vision of peace when the sun shone over the graveyard perched on the very peak. Each of the stones stood out like dark shadows at dusk. Unforgettable.

She could remember when they left. Down at the gates they said goodbye to her great-uncle Koji. Now there would only be him and her older cousin Takeo and his wife Ami left to live on the hill.

"I wish you good luck and a safe journey." Bows of respect were exchanged.

"Thank you Koji, we regret leaving you all." The deep voice of her father spoke out.

"Nonsense, it's unavoidable. You need a nice and safe, secure environment. We don't have that here anymore." The corners of his lips curled on his ancient face. He reached his hand out to touch her mother's belly. "I sense a strong spirit, much positive energy and much greatness in store. A child to be proud of." Her mother stifled back some tears, only a few escaping down her pale face. She flung her arms around the frail old man.

"Thank you Koji, thank you so much." She sniffled and turned back to her daughter. "Say goodbye dear." Now she wiped her tears with her sleeve.

The girl, slightly older now, stepped forward.

"Goodbye Koji-san, thank you." Her tiny arms enveloped the man in a warm embrace.

"Now, you listen here." His finger pointed at her once they released their grip. His tone was somewhere in between stern and playful. "You continue your training and be the best ninja you can be. You better make us proud. Keep control of that good side of yours and you'll go far. One day the secrets and techniques of our clan will be left to you. Can you handle that responsibility?" A brief pause and then,

"Yes sir."

"Good girl."

The Land of Fire is truly a stunning place. Each piece of scenery sunk into her mind as they travelled across the grassy fields, woodlands and quaint little villages. Their objective on this journey was Konoha. The village hidden in the leaves. There the family would find financial stability and a safe home. She skipped along the dirt path beside her father, their hands held together. Well her father's were more like paws of a great bear, making hers seem comically petite. Together they laughed and looked forward to seeing their new home. They had little trouble on the 4 day journey, but they were exhausted beyond belief. When the gates of village came into view over the horizon the fiery-haired child beamed and began to sprint on ahead excitedly. Her parents both chuckled, they held hands and jogged along behind her.

_Home._

Finally reaching the village the girl halted. Leaning on her legs as she panted, trying to catch her breath. The sun, shone down on her from high in the sky, making her sweat.

"Oh, hello." One of the guards looked up in brief surprise. "Who might you be?" Still trying to catch her breath she pointed to where her parents were.

"Whew! Good day. We're just moving here. I have these papers with me. See?" Huffed out her father. Papers were exchanged so were brief words and pleasantries. She and her mother waited outside while her dad went to see the hokage. They sat on a bench and shared a popsicle. One of those blue ones where you split them in half. She'd never had one before. It was nice.

The family were given a small house. Very near to a market. It was such a sweet little house with a conjoined living room and kitchen which looked on to a little flower garden in the back. Upstairs there were three rooms, now she would finally get one to herself.

That evening they all had a simple meal of noodles and rice cake. Their new life would be so foreign but also an adventure. Other things were in store.

"Tomorrow, you're being enrolled in the academy sweetie. You can show 'em what you're made of. Make lots of friends!"

"Oh wow daddy, that sounds great! I can't wait. I've never had friends before!"

"I know kiddo, you'll be a star, I know it." He winked playfully and messed up her hair.

"Stop it!" She laughed. Returning the favour, she violently ruffled up his carroty hair too.

Outside the academy many children rushed around and laughed in the innocent ways that they do. Five minutes until class begins.

"Do you know which room you're going to?"

"Yes mother, room four." The girl shuffled nervously from foot to foot. The suspense of all the waiting was going to kill her. Her nerves peaked once more when everyone began to flood inside. A kiss was placed on her mother's cheek and she was gone.

The door to room four was somehow intimidating, she just stood and watched it for a few more fleeting moments. She put up the hood of her blue jacket, trying to hide herself somehow.

_This is it._

She strode inside, trying to be confident, with little success. She marched up to the teacher's desk, ready to get this show on the road.

"Um, sensei…" Such a good start. The man looked up. He was young and kind looking. She felt safer already. He looked up curiously at her. He had a scar that ran across his nose and a spiky ponytail that reminded her of a pineapple.

"Yes?" She handed over the note her dad gave her. His eyes skimmed over it briefly. "Ah yes, you're the new student? I'm Iruka-sensei, can you please wait here for a second." Iruka stood up and his voice raised above the class of young students. "Okay everyone settle down! Well, this is our new student who is starting today. Please introduce yourself and welcome to you." She rubbed her elbow anxiously, scanning the class. There were so many people. She has never been around people her own age before. She already felt alienated. She was starting class late too. Everyone had already been together for a couple of years. She was alone.

_What am I supposed to say?_

She cleared her throat awkwardly and finally began her introduction. This is the beginning of everything.

"Um, well, hello everyone. I hope that we can get along as classmates." She bowed to the class. "My name is Amano Rei and I want to become a ninja and be an accredit to my clan. Pleased to meet you."

* * *

**********________****A/N:**** Thanks if you bothered to read this! I've been writing fanfiction for quite awhile now but never got far enough to posting anything. I would be most grateful for any kind of response and criticism, I thank you dearly for it.**

******_It may take awhile for new chapters, also depends on the general response I get. If no one likes it I won't continue. The story would probably get more interesting than this, I promise._**


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